the battle day...

ian's expected due date is 10th april 2007. chinese new year was on 18th february. it was not a great one as mum was admitted to hospital due to eye infection. she was attacked by eye infection somewhere around september 2006. she was retained for almost a month. under go all the test, surgery. we are worried that i might not be fit to visit her in hospital. but dr may wong assure me that is ok. you can tell the worry we had - for ian but at the same time that's my mum. she have been in and out few times. unluckily, again on the 2nd day of chinese new year. we went back to melaka and pay her a visit on cap goh meh. that was 4th march. she is still hospitalize till ian was born.

right after chinese new year my leg started to swell when i sit too long in the office. it makes it so difficult for me to drive home at the end of each day. we prefer for me to go to work rather than staying alone at home. is always good to be at place where there are people around in case for emergency. but due to my condition, we eventually decided for me to stay at home. arrange to work from home as it will be bored to stay at home to wait for delivery. took home all the necessary documents on my last day working in office, 23rd march.

actually i got show since early that morning. i did not inform papa as i know he surely very kan jiong. i keep monitor my progress each time i go to the ladies. anyway, tomorrow i am suppose to go for my check up therefore i decided to wait. i told my colleague, chooi ting and she tease me saying i can get ready for labour. haha..

the next morning, i saw fresh blood. i eventually told papa. told him everything - the show since yesterday. i told papa not to panic. ask him to calm down. actually i am excited with all the mix feelings. 1st time see. we get ready to go for my check up. but we bring along the bag i get ready to bring along when i get admitted. kee yan told me her sister took 2 hard boiled egg before deliver. people believe that it will ease delivery. yee cik told me to take essence of chicken before delivery as it will give me energy. i prepare ham for our breakfast and make the hard boiled egg. bring along the essence of chicken. everything ready, there we go.

the fun part is, while papa fill up fuel, i tried to eat the hard boiled egg. haha.. it was not hard boiled. is half boiled. haha.. lucky that i try to crack it at a tupperware so it only dirty that. then papa bought 2 hard boiled egg from the nasi lemak stall that cost us rm 1 (50 sen for each). i drink the essence of chicken as well.

when is my turn to see dr may wong, i told her about my case. actually, besides the show, i also started to feel some contraction. she check and said that it started to dilate. is now 2cm. she let us choose to go home and wait. only admit when i am ready for labour or i can admit now and wait for labour. she advise that if we want to have natural birth then is better not to induce. although we stay near but this is our 1st time. wouldn't want papa to get too kan jiong so we decided to get admitted.

we wanted a 2 bedded room but there is no available 2 bedded room so we get the 4 bedded room. is bored for sure. papa stay there a while with me but is not comfortable for him (sitting on a chair). anyway, we still have some last minute items to shop. actually we just bought some last minute items on wednesday from parkson, subang parade because they give out vouchers. the item included an avent manual pump set. we need an electric kettle but they ran out of stock. papa need to get that. besides, papa also need to spend the voucher given as it will expired soon. actually i still have a long list of things not done. list of things plan to do over that weekend. i did not eat my apple yesterday. i eat fruits everyday for ian. i still have the apple on the dining table to eat for ian...


(tada! my photo when i am pregnant. no photo when i am pregnant. only took when i get admitted. look so ugly with the hospital wear. actually papa testing out our newly bought nokia n73 handphone. papa persuade mama to buy as well so that we can use 3g. he can see ian using 3g. besides, our digital camera only 2 mega pixels. this handphone is 3 mega pixels. it will also be handy to take ian's photo. so mama bought one)


(papa on the chair, reading the nokia n73 handphone manual while accompanying me...)

i stay alone. read. is really boring. i took a nap. soon enough after i nap, ian must have taken a nap too. why? because he stop working - i don't feel any contraction anymore. goodness. i already admitted and he decided is not the time yet?

we keep talking to ian. tell him to work on it. papa talk to ian a lot. tell him lots of things. papa eventually got to leave. is pass 11pm. there is a lady just given birth admitted to the same room. over heard her story. her water bag brust. she induce and she is fast. very soon she given birth. yet i am still waiting.

tired. take a rest. soon after midnight, i started to feel contraction. that's when the battle actually starts. (hmm.. ian choose 25th march, a date we set for him, pa. hehe..) not too bad. i still can rest but i have to lift up the bed so that i can rest in a sitting position. hardly get to sleep. can only rest because of the contraction from time to time. (papa told me that he hardly sleep too. how to sleep while mama is in the hospital. he can't see and know what's the progress. is definitely hard for papa. you can surely tell. the non-physical pain of waiting.)

i monitor the interval. pass 5am the the interval is close to 15 minutes. i told the nurse and she put on the belt for me to monitor ian's heartbeat. i have to lie down. when the interval goes close to 10 minutes, the contraction is really unbearable. i can hold on better if i am in sitting position but because of the belt i have to lie down and is really killing me. i still can clearly remember the discomfort at that time. i press the bell for help for many times and it take so long for a nurse to come and check me. eventually a mid wife came and she checks and said that is almost 7cm. i am going into the labour room. is pass 7am. she ask whether i want to contact anyone. i ask for my bag and while she push me to the labour room, i called papa. he is already getting ready to come over.

soon after i went into the labour room, papa arrived. the mid wife ask whether i want any pain relief jab. she advise me that it is just to relief my back pain as she can see that my back might not be able to take the pain. i will still feel everything. so, we decided to take the jab. she also induce me to speed up the dilation. the mid wife ask papa to have his breakfast as it will take a while. papa took a quick breakfast. soon dr may wong is here. i keep reminding papa to tell me when to push as he is standing beside me. i need someone to guide me. eventually dr may wong said she will vacuum ian out as she can see that i am exhausted. still remember that's the moment i shouted for pain because i have to hold from pushing which is already very bad and yet dr have to insert the vacuum. the feel of going against the force is really horrible.

"sorry ian, mama can't avoid you being vacuum. mama had tried my best."

finally ian was delivered. mid wife announce the time. 10.55am. ian's weight 3.15kg. i still remember that dr may wong ask the mid wife to repeat as she can't imagine that's ian's weight. she told us that we will expect a small baby below 3kg. other than that, last week when we came for check up, she estimated ian's weight to be 2.5 to 2.6kg. she only hear ian's heartbeat last week. she did not scan him. the battle ends... we attended classes. we are advise to let ian to suck - breastfeed in the labour room. however, ian refuse to suck. hmm... never mind. i were then push to the room. we took a double bedded room instead of a single bedded room. i am too tired and drowsy. really had a good sleep...


(ian in my arms... another piece i found missing. i see friend's photo taken with their baby after delivery. then i realize this is another missing piece. we never take photo with ian. our 1st family photo...)

actually does that really ends the battle or the battle has just began? i think i choose the second one...


the beauty of talking to ian before he was born:
after we attended classes, we came to know some sort of the different rates you will be charged base on the delivery time - office hours, off office hours, weekends, weekdays, holidays, mid night etc.
we keep talking to ian from time to time. at least once a day. especially since after mama need to drive to work. we tell ian to pick an appropriate or more to a comfortable way to signal us. it means no panic moment. tell him to pick a correct time to be born as due to the rates. tell him we shall work towards natural birth.
he did listen. look at the outcome? show on friday, where the next day we have check up. no trouble in getting admitted. only get into labour after 7am. pass mid night rate which is expensive. natural birth. thanks ian!

name...

we have been calling ian "bb" since we started talking to him before he was born. we did thought of his name but since not finalize we never use that when talking to him. attended classes and was told about a story that the new born baby respond to his daddy when his daddy called out his name in the labour room. we were really driven by that and determine to give "our bb" a name.

mama had long before wanted the name "ian" but since we decided not to give it as english name so is more challenging. we need to think of another word to match it.

? ian

ian ?

as for papa, his concern is whether people can pronounce the name "ian" correctly. actually we knew that lots of people can't pronounce it correctly. so he is worried that people will make fun of the name. besides that he is still considering whether it should be "ian" or "ean". actually they both pronounce the same. but mama found that "ean" is more to be used for girl. so mama try to convince papa to use "ian". he eventually agree but the challenge is the "?"

still remember clearly during chinese new year. as usual mama will stay in the room while papa will play mahjong with his relatives. stay in the room because they smoke. mama is sensitive to the smoke besides is no good to expose "our bb" to it as is not healthy. the weather is usually hot during chinese new year. mama was working on my work trying to get things done getting ready for maternity. papa came into the room, sweating badly. also smell badly - the smoke. he suddenly said that he know what would be the "?". "han" (in mandarin, it pronounce as sweat). "ian han". mama can't help laughing and tease him for thought of that because of he is sweating. haha.. ya. mama know that's not the actual reason for getting that name. papa did assure me that's not the reason when mama laugh and tease him. is such a coincident only. but is really fun thinking back about that moment. the sweat and the "han". hehe.. but then "ian han" sound nice. mama actually googled for it and there is someone name ian as his english name and last name han.

but is still not final yet. but due to the busy days after that and ian was delivered earlier. also due to the busy days after ian's arrival we did not came out with any other alternatives. there goes ian's name, "ian han". very soon after ian was born, papa applied for his birth certificate using this name. before that actually we already get kong kong to think of a chinese name for ian that match his name in english, "ian han". so, actually is pretty much finalize in using this name.

that's how eventually ian was named.

best 9 months...

we really had our best 9 months during my pregnancy. we have been together for years. together for 9 years. register. wedding ceremony 1 year later. married for 4 years. means total of 14 years. exclude days when we started going as those definitely sweet. living under the same roof for 8 years. you know, is easy to see each other but is always hard staying together. when you are expose to all the hidden characters. we have lots of quarrel. complains. bet most of the couple do so. people always said that having a child in a family will help to improve marriage. hmm...

during my pregnancy, we rarely quarrel. everything are just so sweet. every moment. time spend together. they are all sweet. bet we are just too happy about each and every day drawing closer to the day we eventually will get to meet ian. guess i will never forget these 9 months. they are just too sweet to forget...

when i look at friend's photo when they are pregnant, i just feel something is missing. how can we forget to take photo during my pregnancy? days that are so sweet. this will be the only hole we left for our best 9 months...

always see or hear people having morning or evening sickness, vomit, no appetite when they are pregnant. i had a good pregnancy. really... no sickness. no vomit. eat what also ok. but i always have a windy stomach. so, it cause some discomfort during my pregnancy. but lee pheng jie jie's remedy, ginger water with honey helps. also my minyak cap kapak. haha... tea lady, auntie may said that ian will be healthy since i do not have much problem during pregnancy. i hope is true...

ian likes me taking warm drinks. he feel comfortable after i drink some hot drinks. therefore i had always keep my thermos of hot water with me. drink warm water... i have been lucky. papa is working near me. always drop me in front the door steps and pick me up there. bring me out for lunch. papa always treat ian nice food. he always ask.. "what to eat this weekend?" way before weekend. haha.. we had lots of steamboat because papa likes it.

i got horrible food poisoning during my 1st trimester. company treat us lunch. lots of people were down with that although not all. i still remember that every half an hour i got to go to the toilet once for the entire night. couldn't even sleep. worst because i am afraid of taking any medicine, i need to let it recover by itself. i lost weight but lucky that ian is growing. dr may wong ensure us that as long ian is growing, he is fine. the weight lost is only mine. there after, papa never allow me to eat from the cafeteria. he will try his best to drive me out for lunch or i will ta pau vegetarian food in the morning. i been on vegetarian for ian if possible once a week. besides, my ex-colleague, calvin also play apart for my lunch. he will bring me out for lunch when he work around the area. that's how i deal with my lunch.

however, towards the end of my pregnancy, papa got a good offer. he has to work in kl. so i have to drive to work. i got to park in front of the office therefore i won't have to walk far from the car park since i am pregnant. but my lunch, i will have to cover days where papa bring me out for lunch. but that's not too long from ian's birth day. just less than 2 months. i have to drink hot milo each day before i leave office to keep ian calm. clear my bladder to give ian space. but it always jam on the way home. due to the drink, soon my bladder will fill up. ian will start to complain - kick and kick. i will have to talk to him. tell him we are almost home. ask him to hang on for a while more. i really got to rush into the toilet when i step home. that's what happen during the days when i drive to work.

initial part of life...

a person's life starts since she is in the mummy's womb. that's when chinese starts counting a person's age. when a baby was born, they start with age 1. pretty make sense as life in the womb is as long as 40 weeks.

that's the initial part of ian's life...

i can still clearly remember all the talking, all the reading, all the hug..hug.. when ian is still in my womb. every movement he makes. they are all so wonderful. that's the beauty of pregnancy where only i can feel but papa can only listen.

we are so excited with each checkup as that's when we get to meet ian. still remember that we will tell him that we are going for checkup and we are going to meet him. everyday we count days for the next checkup. i keep track all his growth each checkup - date, weeks, weight. all the scan print out are so precious. we will take them out to look once a while. we really treasure them. worry that it will fade off, i scan all of them into soft copy.

actually that's ian's first photo. he was capture in these photos when he was in my womb. that's why we keep them nicely. you will never be able to get them back. just like every single photo that we take now. this is ian's scan at week 16...


went for a detailed scan at FMGC at week 23. they burn us a cd of some soft copy of the scan. how wonderful! it also consist of an avi file that captured ian's movement in my womb. it will be great if it comes with sound - ian's heart beat. we heard it there but not included in the cd.

look at ian's little feet...


this is how ian look when he is in my womb at week 23...


as ian grow bigger we can hardly see him from the scan. but we still request for a scan print out from doctor. the last one we got at week 35. however, few weeks later ian was born. he was born around 2 weeks earlier. he knew that we are eager to meet him. he is too.

how it begins...

remember we keep asking our self are we ready for a baby? we waited quite a while and don't know how, we felt like having one. everyone has and we want too? or we just felt that the time has come? are we really ready? all the unanswered questions. no answer and we can't answer.

after trying almost a year and there isn't any good news yet. a year actually not that long but to us, the feeling of hoping and get disappointed is really no joke. all the emotion.

enough of hesitate... finally, we decide to seek for professional advise. there comes a list of tests to be done. all the needle poking - taking blood for all the tests. all the test results are positive. there is no problem. guess the time has just not come. finally the last test. before we got the result, there i am pregnant! how glad we are but then can't be for sure yet. you know, using home test kit.

went for a test to be sure and at the same time got the last test result. as predicted, it was positive as well. again no problem. but all the test results are no longer needed. we just need the pregnancy test result. i called and there it goes, positive! yes! our dream finally come true. that's how the journey begins...

here we go...

let's see what are the stories we could recall...

how shall we blog them? they might not be in the actual order. should we go by topic? by order is definitely hard. we might remember the stories but might not remember which come first. uhh.. guess this blog is going to be quite a mess. haha.. we will keep on editing it. guess no choice as they are all passed memories. however, having them blog as we still remember can allow us to refer back one day when we might forget them...

let's start... what and how to start? haha..